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Photo by J. Valas
The following is one of those conversations that seems to happen over and over again as I hang out with my undocumented friends.
Me: Hey, I can drive tonight.
Undocumented Friend: Are you sure? I can drive, you drove the last time.
Me: Seriously, I have a drivers license. It’s cool. I got it,
Friend: Hey, I’ve dropped the fear. I’m undocumented and unafraid!
Me: Well, I haven’t dropped the fear. I’m documented and afraid so get in the car.
We giggle as I drive off with my driver’s license in my wallet and my privilege checked.
Recently, I’ve been thinking a little bit more about what it means when I jokingly say that I am “documented and afraid.” Part of it is based on how I felt when an undocumented friend of mine was pulled over while driving. I was talking to her on the phone–when she got pulled over, she hit redial so I could secretly listen in on her conversation with the police. I listened with my heart pounding and tears swelling in my eyes, not knowing what might happen to my dear friend. But being “documented and afraid” is also based upon my reflections of being an ally in this movement.
People always ask me why I am a part of the NC DREAM Team. I always give my two part answer: because there are people that I truly love and care about who are undocumented; and because what is going on in my community is unjust and I refuse to stay quiet. But I think it’s time for me to change my answer: how about instead of explaining myself, I say “well, why aren’t you?”
That conversation usually leads to people thanking me for what I do. Both undocumented and documented folks do it all the time, as if allies are heroes that deserve to be fawned over because we take time out of our privilege-filled day to help these poor folks who have fewer rights than us.
I don’t need to be thanked; I shouldn’t be thanked. This movement is not about me. It is about the brave undocumented youth that are coming out of the shadows, taking risks, and demanding that people listen and make change.
By Julio Salgado - dreamersadrift.com
This message is increasingly important as we mourn the loss of Joaquin Luna, an undocumented student from Texas who gave up hope and took his own life last week. As much as my heart and soul is in this movement, at the end of the day, I cannot even pretend to understand the struggle and shame that comes with having my humanity denied. That is why it is so important for undocumented youth to lead; when the “undocumented, unafraid, unashamed” voices reach someone that feels alone and on the verge of giving up, they can feel connected to those that are truly living their reality and find comfort knowing that they are not alone.
Sometimes the line between good and bad ally is quite thin; it’s tricky navigating the “ally” role. The most important thing I try to remember is that this isn’t about me; my role is always to support undocumented people. Standing shoulder to shoulder sometimes means taking a step back. My name doesn’t need to be on press releases, and I don’t have to speak at events. Instead, I should be actively encouraging undocumented youth to fill my shoes.
At the end of the day, this movement is about more than just legislation and policies. It is about a community getting empowered and finding its own voice to speak for itself. No matter how well intentioned, the voice of an ally in the forefront inherently cancels out the voices of those that need to be heard the most.
The following was originally written as a scholarship essay by an undocumented high school student in Granville County, North Carolina. Feel like taking a stand? Come to our Youth Empowerment Summit on November, 6th.
One of the happiest memories from my childhood was playing in the rain with my cousins and friends with no shoes on, wearing an oversized t-shirt in Honduras. As a young child, my parents were not present in my life. Instead, they cared for me from afar, in a long distance relationship. All I knew was that they were somewhere else beyond my reach, or at least it sounded too far away when I would talk to my mom over the phone. I knew that we were apart so that they could properly provide for me; however, now that I am living with my mom I know I would have been happier to see and hug her every day.
When the rain stopped, so did the game. I remember clearly that I had to say good-bye to my friends that day, friends who I loved and who shared my passion for mathematics. We were always competing in class, trying to see who could get that perfect score on the test. But now I was to leave on a journey with an unfamiliar man who was called a “coyote”. At such a young age, I could not fully grasp what this adventure was going to bring. All I understood was that I was going to see my mother again, and that was all I needed to know. I knew I could take on any math problem or any other struggle that life might possibly bring as long as I could embrace her once again.
As time passed, the journey became exhausting, even for the curious and courageous eight-year-old boy that I was. The coyote would say, “This time we’re going to make it, just be quiet and pray we don’t get caught.” It was not until the third time behind bars that the fear really set in. I was in a cell surrounded by strangers; my heart was racing and I felt as if my brain was going to explode. I was terrified. I wanted my mother more than anything, but this time, even more than my mom, I wanted freedom. Why was I being detained? I was just an innocent child who wanted to be reunited with my parents. Why were these people in green uniforms blocking the way for this wide-eyed little boy with a salty wet face who could barely eat the cold tortillas provided in the cell? I wanted to bury myself; I wanted to wake up in a different place, in a different life. On the fifth try, I finally made it through Guatemala and Mexico, and arrived at the border that brought so much happiness, yet so much fear. To me, it brought my beloved mother. It brought me dreams of a life and a future.
When I woke up from the terrible nightmare that was my journey to the United States, I soon realized that the challenges were not over. Although we are all created in the image of God, I was the alien sitting in Mrs. Jeanne’s fourth grade class. My favorite part of the day was the math lesson; it was the time of the day where I spoke the same language as everybody else. Sometimes I even spoke it a little bit better than the rest of my classmates. Yet, the other students spoke in such a different tongue. Why could I not understand them? I felt I had been freed from the walls and the bars just to be isolated in another world. I vowed this would never happen to me again. From that point on, school became my source of life, and education my freedom. In some of my classes I excelled and was labeled as “gifted” and in those subjects that proved to be more challenging, like English, I worked extra hard to succeed.
Now as a senior, I no longer feel like an alien, though politicians and many people still refer to me as one. The storm is not over yet, but I can already see the sun rising behind the dark clouds and it feels warm and soothing. Writing this essay in English, a language that at one point was foreign to me, gives me the feeling of success. It proves that I am capable of doing and overcoming anything; all that is necessary is knowledge and perseverance. Today, it is still fun to compete in class to get the best grades. It’s also fun to play in the rain, even though I am a bit older. Struggling to break a language barrier, and of course that other barrier – the border – has given me the determination to continue on with a higher education. I must pursue my dream of becoming a doctor so that I can be someone and live a prosperous life, an opportunity I never would have had in my native country.
Cynthia Martinez from Sanford, NC wants to share her graduation story with you.
Graduation is just around the corner. What are you going to do when you graduate? If you have graduated already, do you have a story you would like to share with us? Send it to us at dreamteamnc@gmail.com.
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My name is Cynthia Martinez and I graduated class of 2009 from Lee County High School in Sanford, N.C. I graduated with honors and as 1 of 2 Hispanic members of the National Honor Society. I was ranked 30th out of 404 students with a 4.01 GPA. I received a scholarship to St. John’s University, but because of my legal status, the only scholarship I could receive was $15,000. But mind you, a year of study there for my chosen major was $52,000. The difference as you can see, is a real big one. Putting a burden like that on my parents touched my heart, so I looked for other options.
I soon applied to Central Carolina Community College but to my dismay, I received a letter stating that because I was “an illegal alien, they were not obligated to allow me into their school.” That was my first taste of the discrimination that was soon to overtake many more communities.
Seeing no clear path as to my educational future, graduation began to seem very glum to me. I was no longer looking forward to graduating because I no longer knew what my future held. I saw everyone around me excited to be going to school and receiving scholarships and what not to places I knew that had my situation been different, I most definitely could have gone to. I saw people being awarded scholarships that I knew, had I had the chance, I could have received but I got nothing.
After graduation and two weeks vacation in Texas to “get my mind off things,” I began to work full time at McDonalds. Soon after that I was offered training to become part of the management program there which I took happily! McDonalds offers classes which they pay for and pay the employee to go to in order to learn proper business practices. Once you attend all your classes, they can transfer to college credit courses and one could have received their associates in business administration.
Business Administration was not my chosen major, but for now, having the opportunity to learn more into depth as to the ever-growing McDonald’s corporation sheds some light in my heart. For two years now since my graduation, the only form of learning that I have are these classes and while I am thankful for it, I can’t help but wish for more towards my educational future. So yes, I am undocumented, and because I lack a 9-digit number, I am not given the chance to further my dreams and enhance my education. A number. A number is what stops me–an accident of birth, even. We sit back and read the history of this country and we “aw” at the ridiculousness of some of the things people had to go through to be accounted for and what they did to make a difference and now I sit here dumbfounded at times to see how ridiculous it is that my life and thousands of others is being dictated by the presence of a 9-digit number!
What happened to “the land of opportunity?”
Brenda Flores from Asheville, NC wants to share her graduation story with you.
Graduation is just around the corner. What are you going to do when you graduate? If you have graduated already, do you have a story you would like to share with us? Send it to us at dreamteamnc@gmail.com.
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Graduating is an awesome word–something that everyone wants to do–but to do that you have to wait 4 years, which that’s exactly what I did to wait for that moment. It is in 2 months. I’ll be graduating then, so it is coming pretty soon, but the way I feel about is so much different than when I was a freshman.
I thought I was going to be excited about it, but it is not like that. A feeling that I never thought I was going to feel. It is really hard to explain, but to be honest, sometimes I feel like not graduating at all because I’m not ready to face the real world, it is not that I’m scared, it is just that I don’t know what to do with my life or who am I going to become. I think of that every day. Also, graduating for me means is the end of my education because I am undocumented.
Graduating is not exciting for me because I don’t want to leave high school life. But I know I can’t stay forever because I have to move on–but I can’t move on if I don’t know what else to do. I haven’t even applied for colleges or scholarships because I think I won’t get one because I’m undocumented and I’m not as smart as everyone thinks. If I could go back to the past, I would change everything about my life–what I’ve said right now is going to make people think I’m negative about things, but I’m not–it actually is just the way I feel. I feel like disappearing and not worry about anything.
I’m realizing that I’m growing up and nobody told me how I was going to feel. I remember my grandma telling me to work hard in school, so when you’re ready to take a career, you can be able to defend yourself and nobody can tell you that you are a loser. I used to say “I will grandma I’ll become a doctor someday so I can cure people and save them” but I was only a little girl. It was easy for me to say that but now is not anymore what it really is for me is just reality something I’m just realizing and I wish I could have known that when I was little, is hard to be alone as an undocumented and not knowing how to make a decision.
Graduation is making me realize so many things, I don’t know if is because I’m growing and that’s way I supposed to feel, but right now I’m lost and trying to find my way out. I’m the one who helps myself to get out of things but sometimes I need somebody to help me get through hard times with the only person I count on is God. He is my best friend. It’s hard to know that you’re not from here, that you belong to another country and that you can’t make your dreams come true–now that’s another thing stopping me from not moving on and I’m not just the only person who feels this way. I’m sure out there in the world there are people like me who haven’t decided what to do with their life, or maybe they have but they can’t because something is stopping them, like things are stopping me.
With graduation for high school students coming up in a matter of weeks and college graduations just around the corner, we want to know your thoughts.
What does graduating mean to you? What are you going to do when you graduate? What are you going to do over the summer? Whether or not you are undocumented youth or a concerned citizen, we want to know what’s on your mind. You don’t have to give us your full name if you don’t want people to know.
Send us an essay–as long or as short as you like–and we’ll feature it here on our blog. If you send us a picture, we’ll put that up, too.
